Snow Flake
by x-Loki-x
Summary: Remy dies in Antarctica and doesn't get a chance to say goodbye to the one he loves, Scott.


Snow Flake

By Loki

This is an AU, mixing a comic event into the movieverse.

The action of this story is placed right after the Morlock massacre, when Remy is abandoned in Antarctica by Rogue.

Pairing for this story is Remy/Scott.

We all know that Remy has extra-sensorial powers. I have imbued these powers giving him limited telepathic abilities.

Warnings: Character death, mild slash (M/M relationship) and angst and sap.

Rating: PG-13

The credit for this story goes to my terrific sister, Nadja Lee: 

The main plot is her idea, and if it weren't for her I doubt this story would have existed (or, if it would've existed, it would've been really, really crappy).

Dedicated to: Nadja Lee with all my love and affection. This one's for you, sis blows Nadja a kiss

' … ' is spoken in mind

Snow Flake

A snowflake gently settles on my forehead, kissing my skin with its frozen lips. I had always liked snow. It pours lightly from the sky, as if some gentle hands carefully spread it, and covers the ground, transforming everything in a vast, white field, with only a few daring dunes, among dunes of snow to stand out and disturb the otherwise clear, level, cold and peaceful horizon.

The polar night had been eerily quiet until now. So calm, so serene, that it almost made me feel like I was just outside the mansion's steps on a quiet winter night. The beautiful stars sparkle joyful, yet so cold and… and sterile, demanding silence from the world below... complete silence... a silence that I dare not break even with my sorrowful moans, although my body so craves for them...

Oh, Scott, I should have never...

sob

Forgive me...

I always think that I have no more tears left to cry, but when I think of you, I always find out that I am wrong...

sob

I can feel layer upon layer of thin ice forming on my cheeks as my tears freeze before they have a chance to run down my face.

Were it not for my kinetic energy, which keeps a flicker of warmth still alive within me, I would have no doubt succumbed at the hands of my obvious fate by now.

A sharp pain goes through me as I turn my head and lift my hands before my eyes... or rather try to, as I lift them half way up and my strength leaves me...

These not long ago so powerful hands, glowing with blazing energy, that had burned, and scorched and obliterated my foes, have now turned to an unhealthy blue, and are so numb, so lifeless that I cannot even move my fingers... I cannot even feel them at all...

aarrgghh Serves them right!

Too much suffering have they seeded!

Too much pain have they caused!

Too much death have they spread…

Too many lives have they taken…

It all culminated with the fight three nights ago… or was it four, or more perhaps? I have lost track of time in this frozen waste where the sky is always dark and my only companions are the cold stars and deadly blizzard…

The fight a few nights ago was nothing but a massacre that I brought upon those poor mutants hiding beneath the city in the isolated sewers; a massacre that I, Remy LeBeau am responsible for.

But, Scott, please know that I only did it for us…

I had grown tired of crying unseen tears every night I lay in your safe embrace after yet another battle which had endangered our lives…your life, but which we were forced to fight by our 'benevolent mentor', Professor Xavier.

I went into every battle fearing the worst… fearing I would lose you.

Courtesy to our psychic link, I always knew that you experienced the same fear of losing me, and that every battle we lived through brought as much relief for you as it did for me.

The worst was that we could not stop; our battles seemed to never end. There seemed to be no peace for us…

sob

The worst was Xavier's response whenever we had pleaded him not to risk our and the other X-Men's lives constantly when there was other options to consider before simply banging heads and facing impossible odds. The choice he put before us frightened us and kept us silent: either we fight, or we go back to the streets from which he took us.

I swear that man's heart is no warmer than the surroundings I find myself in.

And I have no doubt in my mind that he couldn't care less for all the mutants and humans in the world. The only thing that he cares for is his private little war with Magneto. It doesn't matter to him how many X-Men get injured or worse, and it doesn't matter to him how many people get killed in our battles, not even the dream matters to him. All that matters to him at the end of the day is to score another point in his never-ending feud with Magneto.

We both hated and feared Xavier though you did this fact a lot better than I. You so wanted to believe him yet to me and only to me would you admit to your doubts about his true motives.

But we hated and feared the streets even more than we did him.

At night, when even the Professor's psychic eye was asleep, we would always make plans for our escape. We had always sworn we would save enough money to run away, buy a house, maybe even a car, and settle down…finally pick our own fights and fight them our own way.

You had promised me we would arrange for our wedding to take place in Paris though I had suggested Holland since same sex marriages is legal and binding there. However you loved the thought of Paris so…Paris it would be. Nothing is impossible with the right amount of money.

You had promised me that we would spend our honeymoon traveling all around the world, enjoying life without the constant fear of death…

This was our dream, not to fight someone's else's private little war, not to be pawns in someone's sick little chess game.

And it was for our dream that I did what I did, Scott.

The money that the Brotherhood offered me was more than enough for us to be able to live out our dream, and put Xavier and his house of lies behind us.

As blindly as we fell into Xavier's trap did I fall in Magneto's, but when the truth finally surfaced, it was too late for me to do anything.

They offered me a chance to save myself… and I took it… I knew it was cowardly of me but… I guess the little thief inside me found a way to survive this time too…

I was too ashamed, and too afraid to call you for help, Scott. I was afraid of what might happen to me when the Professor found out that I had helped Magneto, but I was also afraid of experiencing another bloody battle with our nemesis, and go through the agony that the possibility of losing you cause me…

However, one of Magneto's henchmen telepathically called out to me, and let (or should I say… made) me see through his eyes, let me feel through his skin, let me smell through his nostrils, the carnage taking place. They had murdered men, women and children, all of them helpless before them. They had bestowed their fiery wrath upon them all, and killed, and killed, until the dust darkened with Morlock blood and until the air was saturated with the warm stench of death!

I knew then I was wrong to have led the Brotherhood down there. Oh, God, so wrong! Yet I didn't think about what they wanted there because I did not wish to do so.

The poor Morlocks never stood a chance… They all died… because of me.

sob

As I stand here in the middle of a forsaken land, surrounded only by miles and miles of snow, and awaiting my death, God is my witness that I crave forgiveness from no man for what I've done.

No man but you, Scott…

Scott, you are the one I breathe for, you are for me what some people search for all their lives and do not find: true love.

If there is one reason for which I am still alive, I know that it is because I want to feel you one more time, I want to tell you how much I love you, and I want to beg for your forgiveness so I can succumb to this unyielding cold with my heart and mind at ease.

I have wanted to contact you ever since I got abandoned here, but back then I feared you would have the same reaction as the one who brought me here: Rogue.

I could only remember that, after I returned to the battle scene and joined up with the X-Men, I had received a blow in the battle that followed and I had blacked out. Then I awoke only to find myself in Rogue's arms, her red hair whipping my hair, as she flung me with such speed that I nearly fainted again. I did not know what she wanted with me, but once she got me here, I did not try to redeem myself in front of her.

I can still see her green eyes, which were usually radiating warmth and compassion, fixing a gaze on me as cold and as unyielding as the snow that surrounds me and as the stars above me.

Her words cut more deeply than this blasted blizzard ever could, and her tone was filled with anger.

"Ah loved you, Remy. Ah always had, since the moment Ah laid eyes on you. But you always hurt me with your indifference. For a long time Ah was jealous at Scott. But, after tonight, Ah see Ah had no reason to be. You are a monster, Remy LeBeau… "

She let out a sob as tears ran down her cheeks and forced herself to continue.

"… and Ah won't let myself, or the people Ah care about be hurt any longer by you!

The X-Men don't deserve it. Ah don't deserve it. And Scott… he doesn't deserve it."

She had to speak no more for me to understand that she had condemned me. I knew then how the Morlocks must have felt when they were put before their obvious fates.

She took to the skies with no more words and without any haste, and, as she did so, I fell to my knees and bowed my head, but I have not screamed nor have I pleaded for forgiveness or redemption, for she was not entitled to give me any.

The only one who has that right is you, Scott, my love.

And I pray that you will be more sensible and understanding than Rogue, my Judge, my jury and my prosecutor, was.

I close my eyes and try to reach you through our link, just like the Professor taught me to: I ignore everything around me until it melts into total darkness and there is nothing left but me. Then I try to turn my interior eye to you, Scott… and… you are not there…

merde!

I concentrate again, but I lack the power to strengthen our link…

My inner eye cannot see you, Scott… I am too weak… I am… dying…

And the one thing that saddens me is that it is not your strong arms embracing me in this final moment of my existence… I had always thought that we would grow old together and that if one of us died, it would be in the other's embrace…

Curse you, Rogue, for taking everything away from me! Curse you, Rogue, for taking away from me the only one I ever truly loved! Curse you, for denying me my redemption… 

sob

All I wanted was to tell him I am sorry…

sob

In this last moment I burn with anger for Rogue, and with love for Scott!

Cursed be you, Rogue, for doing this to me!

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Numerous hours have passed since I awoke finding myself alone on the bed in the infirmary. It is dark but thanks to my powers I can see very clearly, the price being that all is painted in one color: red.

I do not know much of what is going on, only that the X-Men went into the sewers to drive the Brotherhood back and try to save the Morlocks, and that you had vanished.

On a side note, the Professor informed me that Rogue had gone missing.

The first thing I did was to instinctively reach out for you, Remy. Although I could always see like a cat in the dark since my powers emerged, I always hated it. I guess… I am… afraid of it. That's part of the reason why I always held you tight close to me at night and never broke physical contact between us.

smiles

The other part of that reason would be that I love to feel your soft skin on mine, that I love the feeling of your gentle touch, that I love the way you embrace me, that I love to feel your warm breath on my chest, that I love you…

Remy, I am so worried about you… Where could you be?

Ever since I woke up in here I tried to contact you through our link, but, although the link is still present, I cannot reach you…

I remember that when we met on the streets all those years ago, it was your telepathy which brought us together.

Ever since I ran away from the orphanage I started looking for support in all the wrong places. Being too proud to beg, I got involved with street-gangs and dealers. A package to deliver from here to there, and I had lunch assured. I never got caught, because, although being blind was a major handicap, no policeman ever put a blind kid to the wall and searched him.

We were just a couple of rug-rats when we met. I was carrying the package and you were picking it up for your boss.

After that we met frequently on the streets and warmed up to each other. I must confess, I never guessed what you would want hanging around a blind, but I always prayed that the moments when we were together would last as long as possible. I was in love with you before I even knew it.

I remember how one evening you told me you had something very important to tell me and asked me to meet you in the park after dark.

I had been waiting for you and was running a bit cold from the cool autumn breeze when you soundlessly stepped out of the shadows and embraced me, casting away my coldness and replacing it with a very pleasant warmth.

You kissed me, softly at first, and then deepening it as I responded, and then, without moving your lips you talked into my mind, unveiling your feelings for me and asking me out on a date.

warm smile

It is one of the most romantic moments I ever experienced, and was only topped by other romantic moments we enjoyed throughout our relationship. That kiss was for me… magic… pure magic, for I had loved you since the moment I first met you and could not think of anyone else but you.

Yes, telepathy was the thing that made the two of us being together possible, because you were too afraid to make a move before carefully going through my thoughts and finding out that I loved you too, as you did not know what to expect, so you had expected the worst.

I cannot count how many nights we fell asleep in each other's arms. We were in a dark alley somewhere, or hidden in a cart-board box, but as long as we were together we never complained.

God, Remy, I don't think I would have survived the rough life on the streets if it hadn't been for you, your love and endless support.

No matter how hard they beat me, or how much they starved me, no matter how much they humiliated me or abused me, I was always safe in your arms, and the pain was always more bearable when you were tending to my wounds.

The winters were the hardest. Food was a luxury we often could not afford and the cold was devastating. But I never forgot how much you liked it when it snowed. You told me that in winter the angels flap their wings in joy that Jesus Christ's birth approaches, and that white feathers fall from their beautiful wings from Heaven, and it snows on Earth.

You were always good at telling stories, Remy…

I remember that I truly felt complete for the first time when the Professor taught you how to create the still-existing psychic link between our two minds. It allowed us to melt together and truly be united, on a level that no one else had ever reached.

I find fate to have a bad sense of irony, but in some sense I find it only fitting for the thing that brought us together, telepathy, to now be the thing that foretells a great darkness in our future.

It was through it that you cried to me for help when the Brotherhood tricked you into leading them to the Morlocks.

You had left the X-Men a few days earlier and had cut off the link at your end. I was very worried that something might have happened to you. When I heard you call for me I rushed to your side, but when I arrived at the fight scene, I got knocked out by an enemy blow and I woke up here, finding the link closed at your end.

Steam leaves my red eyes, for tears leave my eyes and vaporize instantly as my need for your closeness overwhelms me and I start sobbing.

Where are you, my love? Where are you?

I am caught unprepared as the link opens up for a moment and I can once again feel your presence next to me. I can clearly hear you cry out something…

Cursed be you, Rogue, for doing this to me! 

A brief moment of… of fury… and then…

Oh, God… oh, God please… no…

And then… I can feel him fading away… dying… the link fades as he does… and then there is nothing left but a deadly coldness, darkness and silence taking the place which Remy used to fill in my soul.

Clouds of steam leave my eyes as my tears are instantly vaporized by my mutant powers.

Oh, God… it can't… he can't be…

Remy, answer me! I plead in my mind but to no avail. Our psychic link died along with him.

I cry and curse the gods, and curse my life, not understanding how… why… what could have happened…

Remy… my beloved Remy… my partner and the only one who I loved in all my life… is… dead…

I cannot picture myself ever being able to live without feeling his warmth beside me, without his constant presence in my soul…

I cannot live with this coldness in my heart and this silence in my mind.

The warm stream of feelings that I had received from Remy has now turned to a cold torrent of… nothingness… a tormenting current of coldness… numbness… and death…

Why? Why didn't he contact me earlier?

Why couldn't I help him?

Why? Why? Why?

sob

Remy! sob Please come back, Remy! sob Don't leave me here without you, Remy! sob I'm dead without you! Dead… Remy… come back… please… 

But I beg in vain for there is no one out there to hear my cries.

Remy! Come back! sob I need you… I can't make it without you… I can't… I love you… sob

You didn't even give me a chance to say goodbye… 

Thick clouds of steam rise from my eyes as tears keep leaving my eyes, and for a moment I live under the impression that my powers will be overwhelmed and that

I would feel a tear making it's way past the fires from my eyes and feel it run down my cheek.

I cry until I run out of air from sobbing, but still do not stop.

Come back to me… Remy… please come back… you taught me a lot of things, my love… but you never taught me how to live without you… 

sob

You never taught me how to live without you… 

………………………………………………………………………………………………

A snowflake gently settles on Remy LeBeau's forehead, kissing his skin with it's frozen lips. Remy had always liked snow. It pours lightly from the sky, as if some gentle hands carefully spread it, and covers the ground, transforming everything in a vast, white field, and turning Remy LeBeau into a daring dune, among dunes of snow to stand out and disturb the otherwise clear, level, cold and peaceful horizon.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Clouds of steam leave my eyes and I feel as though I have been thorn into a thousand pieces and scattered in the wind… for I have felt you die, Remy…

sob

Remy, my friend, my soul-mate, my love, my confident and my support through the years, I cannot believe I just felt you die…

Time passes, minutes, hours, I can't say, and the only thing I can think of is what could have happened to the only one I lived, I loved, I fought and I smiled for.

This fucking world doesn't deserve your sacrifice, Remy. I think bitterly to myself. There is nothing in this world worth fighting for, and fools were we to do so. The only thing we had was our love, and the only way we have been repaid for all the sacrifices we have done for it is this cruel torture. Good God! It took you away from me… this fucking ruthless world took you away from me, Remy! I saw in us an example of the thing worth fighting for: love. But this world… it doesn't deserve that… because it only knows how to kill anything sincere and pure…

Fuck this world, Remy! I don't fucking care about it anymore! It can all go to Hell! I don't care!

The only one I care for is you… the only one I fought for was you… not this fucking ungrateful world… not this dead world we live in… 

Am I not right in not caring, for the only reward I have got for saving this damned world was to feel my one true love die an agonizing death?

I don't give a shit about this world and its problems anymore. The only thing I want is the one who killed Remy…

I swear, Remy, on the love that binds us, that I will find the one that did this to you, and there will be no mercy for him! 

A grimace of pain spreads over my face as I no longer fight the cold stream of nothingness and numbness, which flows within my wounded soul. Instead, I let myself flow with it, I embrace it, for it is the only thing I have left.

My jaw tightens and my fists clench as I remember Remy's last words before he died: he had cursed Rogue...

The shy, polite, quiet Rogue, who used to call me Mr. Summers when she first arrived in Xavier's school.

It was Rogue, the southern cutie who always paid attention in class, who always did her homework and never said a bad word to anyone.

It all makes perfect sense in a surreal and twisted kinda of world which never makes any kind of sense.

But Rogue is gone, and I doubt she will be coming back soon.

A distorted grin spreads my lips.

But I don't need her to come back.

I'll find her. I'll hunt her down in a way that will put Wolverine to shame. And when I finally track her down, I will get her on her knees in front of me, I'll get her to beg for her life… and then there will be no mercy.

The End


End file.
